My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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