Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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