oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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