Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
