so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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