You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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