his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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