just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
