She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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