Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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