Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
