well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
