omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
