I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
