When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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