I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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