when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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