I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I am one with the molecules
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
