I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
