are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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