I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
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in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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