hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
