I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
