chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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