Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
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