she kept yelling 'call me bella'
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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