I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
