What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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