Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
