dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
