could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
