Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
