Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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