9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
