If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
