God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We are two peas in an std pod
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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