Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
