I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I checked into jail on foursquare
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
