I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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