Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I want her autograph on my taint
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
