Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
