Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I touched a dick in church today
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
