im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
