i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
