i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
