my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
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He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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