i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
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