Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.