My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
