Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
