I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
if only i could text you this smell
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
