wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
