I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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