My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
