Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
