I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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