sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
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I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
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Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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