I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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