Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so let's talk penis.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
