yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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