It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
