so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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