i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
