3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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