This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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