i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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