You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
