Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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