hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
