we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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