just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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