Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
