drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
