My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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