Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
