we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
