I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
