i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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