just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
