Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
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Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
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I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.