You made me cry and you don't even care
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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