Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
pop tarts are not kleenex
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
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Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.