so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
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I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
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Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.