I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
