im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail