This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
