textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we're making bets on your personal life
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
