So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
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Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
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It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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