i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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